21

1.

On the 16th of January 2008, I turned 21. For some reason this number had some level of significance before the aforementioned date, and even before that the number 20 held as much weight to its name. Not 10 days into my tenure as a young adult, it had completely lost meaning, much like Tupac’s death after 15 posthumous releases featuring the worst of RnB singers. But nevermind that piece of unnecessary pop-culture snarkiness, I’m inaugurating this blog with a simple statement – chronological age shall never be a mental hinderance to me from now on.

Now if you’re wondering what I meant by this, allow me to elaborate; I tend to set goals for me to reach at a certain age and I can safely say right now I’d never fulfilled any of them. After each year passed without my accomplishing any of them, I’d just get discouraged and not try anymore. Well fuck that and a half. I promised myself I’d get a girlfriend by 21, I didn’t, now I’m not gonna give up on that shit just because I failed to go through some rites of passage at the appropriate age. I simply refuse involuntary celibacy!


2.

The year is 2023. Joe (bukan nama sebenar) is your average Joe - he hates that phrase so if you ever meet him, please refrain from usage (assuming you know the Malay equivalent of it) – Melayu, blinkered and a dedicated motorcyclist. One night, around 3 in the morning and after a rowdy race involving a lot of Superman simulation, numerous stunts that you can get to be on your movie for cheap and two casualties, Joe decided to round his favourite red light district that every gomen (slang for government servant) would deny existing.

Strangely, the inherent male proclivity to desecrate a woman of another race overwhelmed his inherent Melayu bigotry, Joe was looking for the exotic; a Burmese hooker. A Chinese one would have been just fine, but that would clash with his brown power sensibilities.

Mere minutes into his search later, Joe found the ever elusive barely Malay-competent Burmese hooker. They fucked. He paid less than requested because she talked funny. 21 days later Joe realised he had contracted about a dozen or so of an assorted mix of STDs, but he sighed a relief knowing that Melayu-melayu still have their special rights to fuck with other races both literally and figuratively.


3.

There were 21 children living on a certain road in a certain housing area.
Now there are 20 left.
Now we get to see a supposedly Islamic state advertise superstition in the news.